Another World Record For Something That Shouldn't Even Have a World Record: Smashed By Whitey - WWWWP

It's a well-known fact that White people love to break world records for all sorts of utterly ridiculous things.

In keeping with White people's insatiable desire to break asinine records, Jim Purol, of Annaheim, CA is attempting to break the record for sitting in the most seats within a 48 hour period. How? Well, by placing his ass in all 92,542 seats of Pasadena's Rose Bowl -- how else?

I live about 45 minutes from the Rose Bowl and I'm seriously thinking about driving over there and slapping the ever-loving hopped up Jesus out of this fool.

Old McDonald Had A Fruitcake... - WWWWP/TRG/DJD

In an earlier post, I addressed Euro-domination of cycling.

In an even earlier post than that, I addressed "furry fandom"

I am now positively horrified to report that these two worlds have evidently collided -- the proof of which is a beautifully composed photo of a couple of fruit loops cheering their favorite Tour De France riders on to hot, sweaty, two-wheeled, Spandex ensconced (TRG) Euro-victory.

E-I-E-I-O

Jesse Helms: OUTTA HERE! - WWWWP

The list of what made this cocksucker a fuckface during his 4 terms (1973 -1997) as North Carolina's U.S. Senator is long and legendary. To itemize his offenses here would cause me to expend waaaay more energy on this fucker than I'm prepared to do EVER. I've already given him enough of my consideration.

Suffice it to say: I'm glad you're dead, Senator Helms.

Now turn that thumb over, fella! Show the nice people where you're headed!

White People Have Made Up Yet ANOTHER "Sport" - WWWWP

Well Kids, it's official. White people are THE most bored people to ever walk the Earth -- so much so that they've invented another "sport" to blow off a bit of steam after a stressful work week at WPSSCC. It's called Wife Carrying.

For fucking fuck sake. Really?

The picture above was taken at this year's Wife Carrying World Championship which took place in Finland today. You geniuses read it right. There is actually a World Championship for this sort of fuckery.

If anyone has pictures from this year's Baby Mama Carrying Championship that took place in Harlem a few weeks ago, feel free to share them... I'm just saying.

Blogger's Note: The winner of the WCWC wins the wife's weight in beer -- PRICELESS!

Men+Oil+Wrestling=Gay To The 48th Power - TRG/WWWWP (turkish edition)

I guess the Muslim world has found a cover for its gayness and they're calling it an "annual oil wrestling festival".

Wow.

Every year since 16-freaking-40, about 1,000 Turks have gathered on a grassy field beneath the hot Turkish sun to get their grapple on (TRG). The pickle puffers participants, who put on the traditional OIL SOAKED LEATHER TRUNKS (TRG), engage in a form of male mounting "no holes holds barred" wrestling called Yağlı Gűreş that dates back to the Ottoman Empire -- we (I), here at HOI, just call it really, really, REALLY gay.

And now for the pink icing on this fluffy little cupcake:

Victories are achieved when one puts one's hand into the trunks of one's opponent and "controls" him.

As always, the standard "I couldn't make this shit up" disclaimer applies.

Big Up - "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Richard Simmons.

White People Still Have Learned Nothing From Dorothy's Ass - WWWWP/WPSSCC

It's a well-known fact that black people do not take photos of tornadoes, as they feel they are controlled by White people and therefore quite scary and dangerous.

So, upon seeing this photo, I knew immediately it had been taken by a White person.

The Globe Gazette and Mitchell County Press News reported that Lori Mehmen of Orchard, Iowa took this photo from outside her front door.

I wanted to know why the b*tch didn't just RUN. So...

Today, I placed a call to White People's Secret Society Central Command (WPSSCC). After enjoying several minutes of Led Zeppelin hold music, I was connected to a representative who introduced herself as Heather. Following a brief exchange of pleasantries, I let her know that the purpose of my call was to learn the status of White people's research on weather control.

Heather informed me happily that the only effective method of climate control thus far remains deliberate excessive carbon emissions resulting in global warming.

I knew Heather was lying. White people have secretly controlled much of Earth's weather for years. Nevertheless, she seemed like a good enough sport, so I probed further:

Haterade On Ice (HOI): This may seem a bit of an odd and off-topic question, Heather, but what is it with White people's fascination with storm chasing? Specifically tornadoes.

WPSSCC: (laughter) That's one of the most frequently asked questions by non-whites, Sir!

HOI: My friends call me Jedidiah.

WPSSCC: Well, Jedidiah, as you may have noticed, we White people are quite a curious group! We are fascinated with all facets of everything!

HOI: You don't say. Really?

WPSSCC: Yes indeed! We want to know how it works -- whatever "it" is.

HOI: Even dangerous and potentially lethal acts of nature?

WPSSCC: Especially dangerous and potentially lethal acts of nature! This also includes the most lethal killers in the animal kingdom as well.

HOI: You mean other White people?

WPSSCC: (genuine belly laughter) You are a card, Jedidiah! I was speaking more along the lines of cobras, stingrays, and lions.

HOI: Ahhh. Got it. I'm more interested in weather-type stuff today though.

WPSSCC: Of course, I got a little carried away. Tornado chasers, was it?

HOI: Yeah. I've never quite understood what it is about one of the most dangerous natural acts on the planet that makes White people pull out their digital photo devices -- as opposed to... I don't know... like hide in a closet or something.

WPSSCC: May I read from the manual?

HOI: Feel free.

WPSSCC: To be a member of White society held in good standing, it is incumbent upon one to document lethal acts of nature as they are encountered. This includes, but is not limited to, flood, hurricane, tornado, earthquake, tsunami, volcanic eruption, or catastrophic brush fire. It is irrelevant that all of these phenomena have been captured on film and video countless times before. One should assume that recording new images will ensure that no minute detail will ever go undocumented.

HOI: That's in the manual?

WPSSCC: Every word of it.

HOI: Wow.

WPSSCC: Shall I read the section regarding dangerous animals now?

HOI: Nope! I think you've answered my questions today, Heather. Thanks for your time!

WPSSCC: You are very welcome, Jason! Any time!

HOI: (hesitant) My name is Jedidiah.

WPSSCC: We know what your name is. (whispering) We know everything.

This = Not A Good Day - DJD/WWWWP

Cycling is a sport that will always be dominated by Euros (European White people) or adventurous wannabe Euros (White non-Euros who wish they were). The image above is precisely why.

If you'll examine the photo closely, you'll find that there appear to be no Negro limbs flying about in the melee. There are a few reasons for this.

1. FIRST AND FOREMORST: As hip-hop culture often recognizes if not glorifies reckless styles of driving ("ghostriding the whip", "doors open Mayne", etc), Black people fully respect the level of danger involved when sharing the open road with an entire world full of fruitcake drivers.

2. Cycling attire is generally composed of tight-fitting colorful outfits made of Spandex and/or Lycra. While Black people generally do prefer their outfits to be outlandishly colorful, they are almost NEVER tight-fitting, as clothing that hugs the body is considered to be quite gay (TRG).

3.Cycling is a very expensive sport -- with the best bicycles costing well upwards of $5,000. The simple truth is that spending that much money on something as frivolous as a bicycle interferes with the Black person's need to install expensive chrome custom wheels on their vehicle.

Big Up - Lance Armstrong, E-40

Lions & Tigers & White People, Oh My! - WWWWP

We’ve all been to theme parks and been either annoyed, or utterly terrified by the costumed park mascots wandering around. Personally, there’s just something about a 6 foot tall Bugs Bunny walking my way that makes me want to shit myself, sue Six Flags, and then run for my life.

But White people live by an entirely different code. If most of the rest of the non-White world finds it strange and terrifying, White people are about 6 times as likely to embrace it and adopt it as recreation.



These people call themselves “furries” and they are about as high on The Fruit Ball Scale as one can be without being a sex offender. They spend as much time as possible in their fursuits, living the life of their favorite character -- they’ve even given their hobby fetish a name: “Furry fandom”.

This is some strange shit, man – no two ways about it.

Double-U. Tee. Eff. - WWWWP

Could someone please explain to me what in the ...?

Even by professional wrestling standards, The Ultimate Warrior was nucking futs.

We, the human race (in this case, you White people), need to take a long look at ourselves (yourselves). We (you) need to decide if this is the legacy that should be left for future generations of Earthlings.

It's common knowledge that all White people are members of a not-so-secret society that controls everything. I know that one of you reading this will be socially responsible enough to make a call to one of your friends at White People's Secret Society Central Command and have all traces of The Ultimate Warrior stricken from the human record.

It's the right thing to do.

Amy Crackhouse Enters London Bodega Alone - Emerges W/ John Daniels & Friends - NAGL/BP/WWWWP (hebrew edition)

So, let me get this straight, Crackhouse. After passing out at Freebase Manor, being hospitalized, diagnosed with early signs of what's probably emphysema, and visiting your pusher husband in prison, you thought you'd end the week by hitting the corner store for snacks and little airplane bottles of hooch?

I guess in light of all the above, the fact that you're sporting the "Gary Oldman as Dracula" coiffure shouldn't even faze me, but... yeah.

This is a Shinkansen wreck on more levels than I would have thought humanly possible.

Pole Tricks On The Pin At 18 - DJD/WWWWP

Because she's a no good whore, that's why, Billy.

The tee time coordinator at Eagle Trace Golf Course in Bloomington, CO hit a hole in one this time. Due to a scheduling mix up, the young participants of a Gold Crown Junior Golf Association tournament shared the greens and fairways with some 70 whores exotic entertainers playing in Shotgun Willie's Charity Golf Classic.



WHORE!!!

I mean, FORE!!!!

Big Up - Bad Kitty Kat

BLOGGER'S NOTE: For those who would find me racist for tagging this post WWWWP, please note that, due to season-ending knee surgery, the only Negro golfer on the planet, Eldrick "Tiger" Woods was not present for either of the aforementioned golf tournaments. As such, the WWWWP tag is completely appropriate.

Parkour. Don't Let This Fall Into The Hands of Kids In The Ghetto. The Cops Will Never Catch Them - WWWWP

This is what happens when young, gymnastically-inclined Euro urbanites get bored. They run out into the street and begin a regimen of flipping from building to building.

To say that I am not reverent of their athletic prowess to a certain extent would be a lie, but this does nothing to negate the fact that those who engage in this "sport" are still obviously and utterly BATSHIT.

Shaq: Take Heat, Sun! - WWWWP

Maricopa County Sherrif's Deputy Shaquille O'Neal's recent impromptu anti-Kobe freestyle has him in hot water up to like... I dunno... his toe knuckles. Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio actually called for O'neal to surrender his badge after learning that The Diesel likes to toss N-bombs like a mofo when he rocks the mic.

And now to put this all into perspective, I'd like to introduce: Me.

"Sheriff" Arpaio, aren't you the same fruitbag who makes the inmates of the Maricopa County jail sport pink underwear? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm the last person you'll hear complaining about convicted degenerates doing hard time... but pink underwear?
TRG

Am I supposed to take you seriously? Is one of the most dominant players in NBA history supposed to lose a nanosecond of his ogre-ish slumber because you're offended by his rhymes?

Diesel, you do you, Son! Even if Sheriff Fruity Balls says you're not qualified to send criminals to his pink panty penal palace, you're still more than qualified to "Throw it down, Big Man. Throw it doooooooooown!"

Amy Crackhouse Disses Every Race (except the Amazonian Waimiri-Atroari tribe) - WWWWP(hebrew edition)

What? Don't tell me all of you White people didn't sing along with gleeful exuberance.

Dude. Look at all of that drug paraphernalia. And here I was thinking that the time she pulled the yayo out of her hair bun in the middle of a performance was an isolated incident. I'm so naive.

Big Up - Frank Lucas, Bobby Brown, Whitney Houston, The sovereign nations of Afghanistan and Colombia

Imus(ta Forgotten About The Whole Nappy Headed Ho's Thing) - WWWWP

I hate you Don Imus. But probably not for the reasons you think. I don't hate you because you look like an evil über villian capable of unleashing cold death via catastrophic winter precipitation. I don't even hate you for your assessment of the Rutger's women's basketball team's hair texture and level of sexual promiscuity -- no matter how accurate misguided.

No, Donald. I hate you because you've awakened The Sharpton.

Everyone knows that if we just go on with our lives and act as if racism is obsolete, The Sharpton will busy himself with chicken grease baths, sherm-perm touch ups, and pitching his new BET reality pilot: Black Survivor: Bensonhurst.

Far be it from my often offensive self to take offense to your offensiveness. I mean, one of those amendments gives you the right speak your mind. It's just too bad that our founding fathers didn't include a line or two extolling the virtues of shutting the absolute fuck up lest we rile up opportunistic civil rights dinosaurs.

Just promise me if Jesse gets into this thing that you'll do us all a favor and jump off your refrigerator head first.

big up - Rutger's women's b-ball, Tawana Brawley, Dark & Lovely No-Lye Relaxer

Adolf Hitler - WWWWP (bonus)

I'm a little late for D-Day, but whatev. I needed to speak on one of the nuttiest White guys EVAR!

Who would've guessed that the son of a bastard father and his half-niece wife would go on to leave humanity with a case of Dirty Mouth that no amount of Orbit gum is going to clean up? Actually, being the son of a bastard father and his half-niece wife is probably
a big ole red flag for potential fucked-upness, but I digress.

There are many theories as to why Das Führer chose to go completely ape-shit medieval on the kosher kids -- not that any of the theories matter much. I mean, once you get so far out there as to give the order to fire up the ovens and incinerate a few million innocent people, the "why's" become a tad bit trivial. And even being the card-carrying postmodernistic agnostic I am (who doesn't believe in heaven, hell, absolute good, or absolute evil), it's hard for me to just go with my simple default write-off of someone suffering from a JAMES BOND MOVIE-ESQUE LEVEL OF DIABOLICAL, VILLAINOUS, MEGALOMANIACAL PSYCHOSIS, cuz this douche was definitely waaaay next level.

In the end, even though Herr Fruitbag did sort of bless the human race with the Volkswagen,
he's nevertheless probably enjoying an eternity in hell (if hell exists)... sucking on a molotov cocktail... wearing gasoline-soaked Fruit of the Loom briefs... pitching that Mein Kampf screenplay like no other.

Big Up - Jesse Owens, Anne Frank, & Oskar Schindler

When Funny Cars Aren't - WWWWP

Even as a young lad, when they'd run Heart Like A Wheel incessantly on cable, I'd sit there watching it while thinking to my young genius self, "What is it with White people and vehicles that go too fast and tend to explode? Furthermore, why is this a spectator sport?"

As a rule of thumb: If it goes so fast that you have to slow it down with a parachute... it's probably too fast.

RIP Scott Kalitta

big up - Bonnie Bedelia as Shirley Muldowney & Beau Bridges as Connie Kalitta (Scott's dad)