Hey Alex, Is "A-Rod" Mexican for A-Hole? - YPY

I know, I know. He's "Dominican-American".


I thought I'd offer my readers a view of exactly where Cynthia Rodriguez' divorce lawyer's dong will be inserted when it's all said and done.

Anyhoo. Alex, mi amigo, you have played yourself on a scale that can only be described as EPIC.

I can't even remember how many gozillions of dollars The Yankees agreed to pay you back in the day, but I DO know it was an absolute shitload.

And now, you are going to give an awful lot of it to your soon to be ex-wife. Why, you ask? Because among other offenses, it seems you haven't been able to keep your bat out of MA-FREAKING-DONNA'S nappy dugout?!?!?!

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY?

May I remind you that this is the same 50 year-old vagina that Dennis Rodman and Robbie Van Winkle (among COUNTLESS others) have been beating up since the 80's? Oh yeah, and Jeff Spicoli -- can't forget Spicoli.

As you may have noticed by the recent divorce misfortunes of one Mr. Russell Simmons, family court judges these days don't play -- and Big Russ didn't do anything nearly as egregious (that we know of) as boink one of the biggest whores in pop culture history.

Next time, take a page out of the book of one of the most notoriously (allegedly) unfaithful husbands ever, who just so happens to be the greatest basketball player to ever live -- Michael Jeffrey Jordan. He went back to Jaunita after a month of bachelorhood. Guess he figured that it just wasn't worth 150 million of his Nike dollars.

Remember Alex, you earned those millions. Don't throw any of them away because you're all Kabbalah-whipped by the high mileage va-jay-jay of the next Cher, for fuck sake.