White People Still Have Learned Nothing From Dorothy's Ass - WWWWP/WPSSCC

It's a well-known fact that black people do not take photos of tornadoes, as they feel they are controlled by White people and therefore quite scary and dangerous.

So, upon seeing this photo, I knew immediately it had been taken by a White person.

The Globe Gazette and Mitchell County Press News reported that Lori Mehmen of Orchard, Iowa took this photo from outside her front door.

I wanted to know why the b*tch didn't just RUN. So...

Today, I placed a call to White People's Secret Society Central Command (WPSSCC). After enjoying several minutes of Led Zeppelin hold music, I was connected to a representative who introduced herself as Heather. Following a brief exchange of pleasantries, I let her know that the purpose of my call was to learn the status of White people's research on weather control.

Heather informed me happily that the only effective method of climate control thus far remains deliberate excessive carbon emissions resulting in global warming.

I knew Heather was lying. White people have secretly controlled much of Earth's weather for years. Nevertheless, she seemed like a good enough sport, so I probed further:

Haterade On Ice (HOI): This may seem a bit of an odd and off-topic question, Heather, but what is it with White people's fascination with storm chasing? Specifically tornadoes.

WPSSCC: (laughter) That's one of the most frequently asked questions by non-whites, Sir!

HOI: My friends call me Jedidiah.

WPSSCC: Well, Jedidiah, as you may have noticed, we White people are quite a curious group! We are fascinated with all facets of everything!

HOI: You don't say. Really?

WPSSCC: Yes indeed! We want to know how it works -- whatever "it" is.

HOI: Even dangerous and potentially lethal acts of nature?

WPSSCC: Especially dangerous and potentially lethal acts of nature! This also includes the most lethal killers in the animal kingdom as well.

HOI: You mean other White people?

WPSSCC: (genuine belly laughter) You are a card, Jedidiah! I was speaking more along the lines of cobras, stingrays, and lions.

HOI: Ahhh. Got it. I'm more interested in weather-type stuff today though.

WPSSCC: Of course, I got a little carried away. Tornado chasers, was it?

HOI: Yeah. I've never quite understood what it is about one of the most dangerous natural acts on the planet that makes White people pull out their digital photo devices -- as opposed to... I don't know... like hide in a closet or something.

WPSSCC: May I read from the manual?

HOI: Feel free.

WPSSCC: To be a member of White society held in good standing, it is incumbent upon one to document lethal acts of nature as they are encountered. This includes, but is not limited to, flood, hurricane, tornado, earthquake, tsunami, volcanic eruption, or catastrophic brush fire. It is irrelevant that all of these phenomena have been captured on film and video countless times before. One should assume that recording new images will ensure that no minute detail will ever go undocumented.

HOI: That's in the manual?

WPSSCC: Every word of it.

HOI: Wow.

WPSSCC: Shall I read the section regarding dangerous animals now?

HOI: Nope! I think you've answered my questions today, Heather. Thanks for your time!

WPSSCC: You are very welcome, Jason! Any time!

HOI: (hesitant) My name is Jedidiah.

WPSSCC: We know what your name is. (whispering) We know everything.