It's Been 14 Years & 14 Days. Have You Found The Real Killer Yet? - WWWBP

IF? IF you did it? Really? Wow.

Orenthal James, Orenthal James. You had it all. Fame. Fortune. Bombshell Aryan wife on your arm, with features so Nordic, she all but guaranteed you an invite to all of Hef's little soirees at The Mansion. In short, you were granted a level of access and privilege which had not been seen by a Negro since the days of Sammy with The Rat Pack. The only difference was that Sammy had 1960's segregated Vegas to keep his little tap dancing zapatos rooted firmly in racial reality. He knew that without Old Blue Eyes to cosign for him, he would have been relegated to the colored water fountain and the back of the bus. Do you think that if Sammy hadn't paved the way that you'd ever have had the opportunity to screw things up so badly? Hell to the no, but I digress.

The point is, you had it all, ORENTHAL, but you threw it all away -- sort of. I mean, you did get away with double murder (big up Kim Kardashian's dad). And, you did manage to bury just about all of your dough to keep it out of that screecher Fred Goldman's grubby little mitts (NICE!) -- he probably would have blown it all on mustache pomade anywho.

But now you've ruined it for all the other coloreds.

Picture yourself a car thief. Picture White trust as a Volvo. White people walked out onto their driveway one morning, found their Volvo had been stolen by you, activated the Lo-jack, and had it immediately recovered by five-o (big up Mark Fuhrman).

Instead of doing for others what Sammy Davis-damn-Jr. did for you, you nearly decapitated your ex-trophy wife and a waiter. AND to make matters worse, you retained the slickest defense team of shysters in the land -- led by the slipperiest, pimp suit wearing soul brother to ever pass a Bar exam: Johnny Cochran!

This was indeed a devastating one-two combination to White trust. Not only did their favorite football runnin', airport seat hurdlin', lovable goof ball from the Naked Gun movies turn out to be a cave b*tch slayer, but to add insult to injury, he was successfully defended by a smooth-talking, bespectacled darky who employed The Chewbacca Defense. It was one thing to destroy White faith in their non-threatening Negro entertainers, but to take away their faith in the American justice system as well? It was all too much.

Since then, White people have done everything "Whitely" possible to erase the pain. They banished you from Los Angeles. They bought your old estate in Brentwood and bulldozed it. They even found you guilty of wrongful death in civil court. But their pain still lingers, Orenthal.

The prophet, The Honorable Dave Chappelle as Rick James tells us: "They shoulda' neva' gave you n*ggas money!" You have easily proved that point beyond a reasonable doubt. If only Marcia Clark and the homie Christopher Darden had been so adept.