2 Aggressive Animals Blacks Have Typically Overlooked When Choosing A Pet. - WWWBP

Those familiar with Black culture know that no weekend outdoor festival enjoyed predominantly by Black folk would be complete without lots of albino boa constrictors and pit bulls. I have never quite been able to figure out the connection Negroes seem to have with these animals, but as soon as I do, rest assured that an essay will follow.

In this ever-changing world, however, I think we must all be open to change. Moreover, we owe it to ourselves to constantly re-evaluate what is conventional and, when prudent, rewrite the books in the name of progression and advancement.

It is in this spirit that I propose the following:


Black people should strongly consider replacing albino reptiles and pit bulls with broncos and actual bulls as The Official Pets of Black People.

I mean, think about it. Can you think of any other 2 species that have more in common with black people?

No gorilla jokes, please.

Both are strong, powerful, and potentially quite ill-tempered. Both were also indispensable as beasts of burden during the construction of this great nation. And, like Negroes, no other creatures on Earth have tried harder to throw White people off their backs.

It's perfect.

And yes, the Genius Switch is welded in the "ON" position.

Thoughts Of Food Or Food For Thought? - BH

As an expert on reading Black people's facial expressions, I have prepared an analysis of what our nation's future 44th president (accept it, White people) was thinking in the above photo.

Mmmm mmm mmm! I can taste them chitlins already!

Pigs feet! Y'all got any? I loooooove pigs feet!

Brang me some collards! What?! No collards?! Well brang the mustards then!

Hillary got a nice ass -- I'ma smack it! Bill still my n*gga tho!

Do I smell cornbread? I know cornbread when I smell it!

I looooove pigs feet!

Let Loose The Black Kraken! - WWWBP, BP

Haterade Disclaimer: For the record: I'd like it known that I fully respect and support a woman's right to shake her ass, capture said shaking on video, and disseminate it to the masses who are of legal age to view such.

However...



Videos such as this one should be made on the weekends when the baby daddy is watching little Shyquan. Shyquan should never be exposed to this sort of thing -- and he sure as Bruce Lee was a Chinaman shouldn't be the VIDEOGRAPHER!!!!!!

This is just vile.

Shyquan is cheering mama on and telling her to "shake it".

There's a bra dangling from the bed post.

As a strong proponent of pointing fingers and placing blame, I'm currently scouring my mind for someone to blame this on.

Q: Do I blame White people for what the institution of slavery has done to rob an entire culture of its dignity and self respect?
A: No. People must take responsibility for themselves and their actions at some point and rise above their tragic history.

Q: Do I blame Luther Campbell for introducing black women to the art of ass shakery somewhere back in the mid 80's?
A: Possibly. I'll come back to this one.

Q: Do I blame BET for providing a forum for the coons who have given us such pearls as Crank Dat Batman?
A: In part. BET is responsible to some extent for everything that has gone wrong in the world since its inception. But the network cannot be held solely responsible.

But perhaps the time for contemplative musing is at an end.

Perhaps we should steal some moves from the baddest group of White folks ever -- The Gods in Clash of the Titans. When they got fed up with fuckery, they let loose The Kraken on fools.

Unfortunately, the closest thing Black people have to The Kraken is Reverend Run.

Dang!

White People Still Have Learned Nothing From Dorothy's Ass - WWWWP/WPSSCC

It's a well-known fact that black people do not take photos of tornadoes, as they feel they are controlled by White people and therefore quite scary and dangerous.

So, upon seeing this photo, I knew immediately it had been taken by a White person.

The Globe Gazette and Mitchell County Press News reported that Lori Mehmen of Orchard, Iowa took this photo from outside her front door.

I wanted to know why the b*tch didn't just RUN. So...

Today, I placed a call to White People's Secret Society Central Command (WPSSCC). After enjoying several minutes of Led Zeppelin hold music, I was connected to a representative who introduced herself as Heather. Following a brief exchange of pleasantries, I let her know that the purpose of my call was to learn the status of White people's research on weather control.

Heather informed me happily that the only effective method of climate control thus far remains deliberate excessive carbon emissions resulting in global warming.

I knew Heather was lying. White people have secretly controlled much of Earth's weather for years. Nevertheless, she seemed like a good enough sport, so I probed further:

Haterade On Ice (HOI): This may seem a bit of an odd and off-topic question, Heather, but what is it with White people's fascination with storm chasing? Specifically tornadoes.

WPSSCC: (laughter) That's one of the most frequently asked questions by non-whites, Sir!

HOI: My friends call me Jedidiah.

WPSSCC: Well, Jedidiah, as you may have noticed, we White people are quite a curious group! We are fascinated with all facets of everything!

HOI: You don't say. Really?

WPSSCC: Yes indeed! We want to know how it works -- whatever "it" is.

HOI: Even dangerous and potentially lethal acts of nature?

WPSSCC: Especially dangerous and potentially lethal acts of nature! This also includes the most lethal killers in the animal kingdom as well.

HOI: You mean other White people?

WPSSCC: (genuine belly laughter) You are a card, Jedidiah! I was speaking more along the lines of cobras, stingrays, and lions.

HOI: Ahhh. Got it. I'm more interested in weather-type stuff today though.

WPSSCC: Of course, I got a little carried away. Tornado chasers, was it?

HOI: Yeah. I've never quite understood what it is about one of the most dangerous natural acts on the planet that makes White people pull out their digital photo devices -- as opposed to... I don't know... like hide in a closet or something.

WPSSCC: May I read from the manual?

HOI: Feel free.

WPSSCC: To be a member of White society held in good standing, it is incumbent upon one to document lethal acts of nature as they are encountered. This includes, but is not limited to, flood, hurricane, tornado, earthquake, tsunami, volcanic eruption, or catastrophic brush fire. It is irrelevant that all of these phenomena have been captured on film and video countless times before. One should assume that recording new images will ensure that no minute detail will ever go undocumented.

HOI: That's in the manual?

WPSSCC: Every word of it.

HOI: Wow.

WPSSCC: Shall I read the section regarding dangerous animals now?

HOI: Nope! I think you've answered my questions today, Heather. Thanks for your time!

WPSSCC: You are very welcome, Jason! Any time!

HOI: (hesitant) My name is Jedidiah.

WPSSCC: We know what your name is. (whispering) We know everything.

This = Not A Good Day - DJD/WWWWP

Cycling is a sport that will always be dominated by Euros (European White people) or adventurous wannabe Euros (White non-Euros who wish they were). The image above is precisely why.

If you'll examine the photo closely, you'll find that there appear to be no Negro limbs flying about in the melee. There are a few reasons for this.

1. FIRST AND FOREMORST: As hip-hop culture often recognizes if not glorifies reckless styles of driving ("ghostriding the whip", "doors open Mayne", etc), Black people fully respect the level of danger involved when sharing the open road with an entire world full of fruitcake drivers.

2. Cycling attire is generally composed of tight-fitting colorful outfits made of Spandex and/or Lycra. While Black people generally do prefer their outfits to be outlandishly colorful, they are almost NEVER tight-fitting, as clothing that hugs the body is considered to be quite gay (TRG).

3.Cycling is a very expensive sport -- with the best bicycles costing well upwards of $5,000. The simple truth is that spending that much money on something as frivolous as a bicycle interferes with the Black person's need to install expensive chrome custom wheels on their vehicle.

Big Up - Lance Armstrong, E-40

Another Reason I Won't EVER Move To India - DJD

Meet Ram Singh Munda and his pet sloth bear Rami.

It seems that Mr. Munda has found himself in a bit hot water as of late because, even in India, it's not all that legal to own a bear -- let alone take the little fucker out for spins on one's bike.

Rami, whom the Mundas considered a part of the family, was sent to a zoo where he has since put his little heartbroken bear self on a hunger strike.

To make matters worse, Munda's imprisonment has led to his abandoned 6 year old daughter being remanded to boarding school. Dang.

This story ranks just above "Blinged-out cows" at #487 on The List Of Reasons I'll Never Move To India.

My Eyes Just Burst Into Flames & Exploded In Their Sockets - TRG

A dancer performs for the spectators during San Francisco's 38th annual gay pride parade on Sunday, June 29, 2008. (AP Photo/ Tony Avelar)

Umm. Yeah. OK.

How about?

Pickle Puffer struts his Skittles. What in the ham sandwich hell is going on around here? (Haterade On Ice/ Me)